first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
