Plan B is the new Plan A
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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