hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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