I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
