just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
