I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
