the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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