some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
