Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
