Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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