So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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