Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
