His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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