Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just pynch a tree in the face
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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