My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
