she woke up with a sticky ear
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
