I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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