Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
