Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
NoShamevember. You game?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
