You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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