roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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