my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
