she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
