someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Oh god it's open bar.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
