oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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