Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
what day is it and did you see me today?
We got so high we made milksteak
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
