HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I deserve this hangover.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize