Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
