ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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