I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
