Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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