everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize