i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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