hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
