areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
