I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
