It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i drank out of a bidet.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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