After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
