Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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