Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
if only i could text you this smell
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
