Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
