2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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