I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
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