the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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