My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
