yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
