I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
