The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
