she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
As shirtless as possible
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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