He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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