Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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