Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you didnt know i had herpes?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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