Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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