saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
