He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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