I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize