Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
