he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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