in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
