I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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