ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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