I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
