im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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