So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
