i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
