I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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