I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
