I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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