Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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