My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
