I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize