I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
