i jhust puked up my retainher.
Your tits are I can't wait for
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
