The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
