i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
