the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
