I cockslap morals
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
