So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
