I'm gonna have a badass scar
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
