His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Randomize
