Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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