I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
