respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
