Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize