I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
