Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
