Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
