Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We left the knife in your bed.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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