he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
