i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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