I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize