omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
