Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
