Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
