FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Drunk walkin through police station. America
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
