I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
