We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
